Tuesday, April 13, 2010

#DRAFT 1 ARGUEMENTATIVE ESSAY ON : Should the sale of junk food in school canteen be banned?

The word ‘junk food’ is mainly used to describe any food that contains low nutritional value which includes take away foods, pre-packaged meals, and sugary snack food (Tran 2005 p.6). Statistics shows that, for the past 30 years, the nutritional value of food taken by the Australian children had fall gradually. Now, even worse more than 50% of Australian children prefer to buy junk foods for their lunch. Most parents think that the habit of eating junk foods will bring bad effects in their children behaviour. They blame a lot of people including the school canteen. Thus, the sale of junk food in school canteen should be banned as junk food is unhealthy, create a bad eating habit and litter problems.

Junk food is said to be unhealthy as it contains low nutritional value which comes from the chemical additives that helps to enhance the flavour and colour (Smith 2005). These additives can cause behavioural problems especially in children (Smith 2005). The problem is made worse by the fact that most young people do not get enough physical activity (Tran 2005 p.6). This can lead to obesity among the childhood (Smith 2005). According to The Food Show (2005), Caputo said that, research had shown that by reducing the unhealthy food in the children diets can improve their behaviour. Other than that, by offering foods high in fat and sugar, school canteens are actually contributing to the problem of youth weight gain (Tran 2005 p.6). Therefore, avoiding the children from buying them by banning the sales of junk food is the best way for them to stop.

Moreover, junk food creates bad habit in the children’s lifestyle if it is taken continuously. Other than that, consuming junk food in an excess might stop the children from taking healthy meal either at school or home. Based on the Australian Nutrition Journal on 2004, the percentage of children eating fat and sugar more than the recommended intake has increases. If these continue our children might be suffering from a lot of health problems. Thus, it is important for them to understand that they have to make the right choice of eating.

Fast food packaging is the major contributing to litter problems (Smith 2005). In The Food Show (2005), Green noted that, when junk foods were sold at the canteen the school had a major problem with litter – there were cans, crisp packets, cantons and plastics container everywhere. Furthermore, it increases the cleaning costs and gives bad image of our communities (Smith 2005). It is said that, most of the school canteens rely on the sale of these foods to make a profit in order to pay the salaries of canteen staff (Smith 2005). They knew that junk food could generate greater profits for them. That is the reason why junk foods are sold cheaper than fresh foods (Smith 2005). They only considering their private benefits rather than the negative externalities they give to the school children and environment. Therefore, banning the sales of junk foods would really help preventing the children from buying them.

In a nut shell, it is important that the children eat a healthy meal in their daily life. Some parents believed that without junk food the student’s behaviour will be improved. The most important is that the eating habits of the children will change. Other than that, the litter problems too can be resolve. Therefore, the sale of junk food in school canteens should be banned.

2 comments:

NuR_AqiLaH said...

¡qoɾ ʇɐǝɹƃ ^^

my comment:

I think there should be a comma after year for the in text citation *(surname year, p. no)

for the 1st paragraph, which statistic are you referring to? better to put citation there.

*This can lead to obesity among the childhood*
childhood - The time of person's life when they are a child..
I think 'children' is more suitable.

your last sentence for the 2nd paragraph is..
i don't know but it's quite confusing especially the word 'them'. to whom or what are you referring it to?

*Based on the Australian Nutrition Journal on 2004..*
i think it should be 'in' not 'on'.

*Fast food packaging is the major contributing to litter problems*
it should be 'contributor'
Plus, if i'm not mistaken for direct quotation, you need to put inverted coma before and after the sentences right? Better you check for that at the referencing guide.

*the percentage of children eating fat and sugar more than the recommended intake has increases*
the statistic doesn't compare the data with any other data. Then, how can you say it increases? i think better to say large percentage take more than recommended intake or...

*If these continue our children..*
there should be comma after 'continue'. or i suggest to put 'if this continues to happen,...'
well, it's just a suggestion. You don't really have to put that sentence.

For the last paragraph, i think it is not appropriate to put the profit arguments.

*..it is important that the children eat a healthy meal..*
i suggest to put it in this way - it is important for the children to eat a healthy meal. it sound better.

*Some parents believed that without junk food the student’s behaviour will be improved.*
i'm not to sure about this sentence. Why do you say the parents believed that? in your first paragraph you use that sentence too right? better to reconsider it.

btw, I'm not so good in English too. Let's just share what we know and for better explanation, kindly refer to ms. dil or any other expert in this area.

SAM Class Blog D said...

Good job Aqilah! detailed comments will help to improve the essay. Well done!

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